May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
