If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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