Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize