the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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