Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I need moral support for this bender
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
