I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
