xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
