somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
