Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
