if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
