There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
