i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm going to jail i love you
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
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Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
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I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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