maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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