We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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