Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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