i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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