i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
