How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
