Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
