He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize