Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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