My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
