Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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