I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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