is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
