Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
