I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
