God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Another day, another engagement, another cat
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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