Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
