New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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