the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
