Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
