I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
