i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
