Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
