So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize