How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
