i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
