i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
