That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
