I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
