I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Randomize
