watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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