Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
