Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
