I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
