She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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