Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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