Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
