I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
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The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
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I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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