this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
