wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
