my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
