Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
