I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
