We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
