no, he came in my armpit
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
