she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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