He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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