he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
