The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
false alarm, still single
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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