Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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