Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
