It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
