im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
