His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Houston, we have a blender
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
