turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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