you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
