So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My pussy is not your playground.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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