The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
