remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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