Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
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I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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