also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
