I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Randomize
