Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
